In 2015, we stopped giving gifts on birthdays and holidays. It changed everything.
“Call mom, it’s Mother’s Day.” No. Call mom because you care about her.
Why do you need a date to give something to someone who matters?
If you want to give a gift, give it. Not because it’s December 25th. Because of the person and because of you.
And if you don’t want to give one, then why are you giving it for the occasion? To show off? To comply? Is it worth it?
Here’s what happened when we stopped:
No one disappointed by the wrong gift. No one comparing who gave what. No mental load of picking the “right” thing for the occasion.
And the opposite, too:
We give more gifts now. Stranger ones. Better ones.
A box of strawberries on a Tuesday because the season started and it made me think of her. Tea with knapweed flowers because it’s his favorite. A bottle of sake from a trip because I wanted to share a story with them.
The gifts mean more because they arrive in context, not on schedule.
Same with celebrations.
You can have coffee this week not because something happened, but because you drink coffee and your friend has probably tried that stew you recommended last time.
You can have romantic dinners whenever. You can skip February 14th if you’re already good on dinners this month.
See your friends because you miss them. Not because someone’s turning 43. You don’t need an occasion. You can meet when you want.
That’s reason enough.